Hi, I'm Elise and I'm Infertile...

 Snuggling with Bennett the day after he was born

Mommy's first time skin to skin with B

I want to share something here with anyone who is still out there reading our blog. A couple weeks ago I posted on an lds adoption website about how life has been since last September.  I expressed some of the feelings and things I have experienced since B was placed in our family. He was placed in our arms, he wasn't given up or away. Cortney chose us to be his parents, to place him in our home. She did not give him up nor did she give up on him. It hurts my heart when someone says he was given away. Bennett is very important to her and she still loves him and us and we communicate often through texts and phone calls. We love her, not just because she is our son's birthmom, but because she is an amazing and loving person. Cort is so brave. In fact when we named Bennett after her, I looked up what Cort meant and it means brave! How perfect!  I admire her for being strong enough to choose adoption when she didn't have alot of support in that decision. We love you, we love you, we love you Cort, forever! So, here is an excerpt from the post I mentioned...

"My life has been turned upside down and inside out all for the better since our son was placed in our home in September of last year. It has been a whirlwind and now that he is 5 months, rolling all around and we are getting into more of a routine, I feel almost ashamed to have not shared the miracle of his adoption and placement with all of you who can relate and those of you needing so desperately to hear a success story to keep pushing you forward in your journey to adopt. After having a failed placement last March, I was hesitant with my feelings and found it hard to believe that this baby we were waiting for in September would actually become a part of our family. Also, I think in a way, once we brought him home, I was afraid to jinx it because of how good everything was going. I didn't want to talk about it too much and have something fall through. So, I just tried to relax, enjoy the time with our new little one, count down the days until it was official both in the legal sense and eternally as well. Our beautiful baby boy was born Sept. 9th and we finalized his adoption on November 19th and had him sealed on November 26th. It was so awesome to stand before a judge and be told that we are in all sense of the word, his "parents". Then, to be able to take him to the temple and see him dressed in white and have him sealed to us was just....amazing, wonderful, thrilling, not sure which word fits best but I think you get the point! It has been an adjustment being home with him after being an elementary teacher for the last four years but it has been one that I have welcomed after wanting to be a mom for so long. It has been an adjustment in every way that people usually adjust to being new parents.

Also, it has been an adjustment learning how to become an adoption advocate in a new way by sharing the story of how our son came into our family. I have been trying to do it in a way that helps others around us understand adoption and why we chose to do it. However...

I hope I can explain this right, without offending. In the beginning, all I wanted to do was tell the whole world how proud I was to have adopted our son (I really am) , how amazing his birthmom is (she totally is amazing, seriously!) and how we just loved every second. But then, slowly as time went on, I began to feel worn out telling strangers at Walmart or the cashier at Target about him being adopted because they would ask crazy questions that made me feel less excited to tell and more sensitive about my infertility. I realized that telling about the adoption, meant also confessing to being infertile because that is just what people assume is the reason we adopted and even though it is part of the reason, I didn't want to rehash all my fertility pain, I just wanted to share how awesome adoption is. So I am still trying to find the balance between being an adoption advocate and accepting compliments politely and taking credit for this little tiny guy as my son without feeling the need to have a deep discussion about adoption/my ovaries in the produce section with the old lady picking out bananas next to me.

I'm not going to quit trying to talk about it though. Because I know that adoption is an awesome thing, it has blessed my life more than I could have ever imagined and I want to educate people on the right language and questions to ask. But I have to learn the right way and the right people to tell and the more I practice in the right settings, the better advocate I will be."

I want all who read this to know, that I am eternally grateful for our birthmom, her choice to place Bennett in our home, for our amazing son who I fall more in love with everyday. Life is a journey and involves lots of growth and learning. Adoption didn't cure my infertility and it didn't take away the pain that I feel about it. It will probably always be a heartache.  But I am finally a mom and I am learning so much about how to be a mom as well as an adoption advocate. I want Bennett to always know that I am proud he is adopted, that it is not something to be ashamed of. It will never be a secret in our home or something we hide from him. We will tell him about Cortney and show him pictures and hopefully be able to continue communicating with her throughout his life. She will always be a part of our life and his.

We love you Cort and the adorable angel you have blessed our family with!

B at his 6 month checkup. Isn't he just perfect? :)