A picture from my work baby shower
Today being Mother's Day, I thought I would share a few thoughts. Today is a day of mixed emotion for me, I mourn:
*the baby that I miscarried, who would have been 1 years old on April 30, 2011
*the baby I planned and prepared for, named and held in my arms for the three precious day after he was born only to have him be raised by his birthmom
*the fact that this was going to be finally be my first real Mother's day (everyone always tries to say things to me like I'm kind of like a mother to all my students, or that they I love and care for their children like a mother, but I don't count those things)
*the thought that I might still not be a mother this time again next year
But....
Today I also rejoice in the fact that I have a wonderful mother who is my second best friend (second to Josh), that I can see and talk to when times get rough, who makes me chicken noodle soup from scratch when I am emotionally or physically down, who listens and is always willing to help. I love my mom so much. She is such an amazing example and I know that when I am finally holding my baby in my arms, she will be there to help me and to give advice when I need it.
I am so happy for all of my friends and family members who longed to be mothers for a long (or short) period of time and who have been able to welcome children into their homes through adoption or otherwise. I celebrate them for all that they do for the sake of motherhood and know that when I do join the ranks I will be surrounded by so many strong women who will support me and encourage me in the moments when motherhood is not glamorous. :)
I look forward to the day when I can finally go to church on Mother's Day and not feel like I'm lying when I accept the carnations or chocolate they pass out to all of the mothers. There will be a day when I can face this holiday with joy and excitement and I hope that when that day comes, I can remember all of the years when it was a heartache and be considerate of those around me who are still struggling to make it through.
So, I say Happy Mother's Day to all, to those who have children and to those who are still wanting children with every fiber of their being. Children are an amazing gift no matter how they come into our homes, through childbirth, adoption or otherwise. Hug your little ones tight and be grateful, even when they are driving you crazy or you haven't had a shower in days, you are working and witnessing miracles raising your children every day and making it through. Much love, Elise
4 comments:
So beautiful Elise! I've been thinking of you all morning and was so happy to read this post. You have been/are a mother, you just don't have those two children with you any longer. Love you!
Elise you and Josh are such wonderful people and you are going to have an amazing family, and I think soon. I hope you had a great mother's day celebrating the mother you are going to be. I'm so glad you are someone I can call a friend.
Hi Elise,
I came across your blog via the r house. I was touched by this post--it brought up many of the same feelings I struggled with not that long ago. And even still do to this day as my husband and I are trying for adoption #2. I just wanted to reach out and tell you to keep the faith and know that God has a special plan for each of His daughters who struggle with becoming mothers. It sounds as if you have a wonderful and positive attitude. I pray that your baby or babies (that are meant to come to your family) will make it into your arms soon.
Hugs,
jennifer
Elise, I came across your blog through a friend of a friend's blog and wanted you to know you are not alone. I remember those feelings and heartache. I remember feeling isolated and alone as family after family would welcome sweet new babies into their homes. Your time will come! Heavenly Father does have sweet spirits waiting to come to you so you can be their mommy!
Wishing you all the best!
Much happiness to you,
Dara
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